I know what you’re thinking, “oh posh (because in my head you’re british), he’s just throwing words together to try to be clever”, and you’re probably at least 33.333…% correct. But, as for the remaining 66.666…% I assure you all, the title of this post is 100% relevant, which if you do the math, is 5% more reliable than that pesky 95% of made up statistics, so see, you can trust me, honest.
Anyway, an excercise in calculated procrastination, what is it supposed to define? For myself, it defines the last few years of my life as a “creative”. I was at one time an extremely dedicated songwriter and all-around musician, but, seven years working graveyard shift has given me two excuses to choose from to feed my procrastination toward this particular craft.
- “The world around me is asleep when I’m awake, it would be rude to play at this hour”. To be fair, I feel like this is a pretty valid excuse, apartment life is bad enough without that neighbor who likes to belt out Jeff Buckley’s “I Want Someone Badly” at 4AM. But, I do have equipment that would allow me to play without anyone hearing me, and as for singing, I could just sing below my standard Dragonborn shout volume.
- “I’ve grown weary of playing <music> with myself”. Seriously, I’m nearing the two decade mark since the first time I picked up a guitar, and as a singer/songwriter, this shit gets just as boring as masturbation, fast. Music, unlike any other form of writing that I have found, has always been most enjoyable and rewarding as a communal endeavor. Writing music with a group is freeing, it becomes less singular, it gets me out of my head and my writing benefits greatly as a consequence; in short, it is a hell of a lot more fun. I land on this excuse almost daily because it’s the easiest to justify as there are little to no holes in it, since finding a group of other musicians, awake, who are not trashed at 4AM, with a basement or garage to practice, who you click with stylistically, are neigh on impossible to find (as you can see, a run-on sentence was necessary to show just how many issues factor in to this arguement).
Music is really the only part of my creative side that I have any semblance of a viable excuse when it comes to my calculated procrastination. Working on my novel in example, especially with the advent of the smartphone, to my knowledge could literally not be an easier activity to partake in during any downtime whatsoever. However, the bone-weary side of me, that side that has never gotten used to my bizarre work schedule and all of the ailments that follow years of manual labor, tries exceptionally hard to justify putting it off yet another day.
“I’ll write a bit tomorrow,” I tell myself. Even I don’t take myself seriously when I say this anymore.
There is no excuse from which I could pull a feeling that I wasn’t simply choosing to waste my life away when it comes to writing anymore, which is why I chose to start this blog, to try to hold myself accountable. Perhaps it will be slow going at first, I’m giving myself the leeway of one post a week, but I’ve enjoyed writing this, so I tentatively forsee a love affair blooming.
If you enjoyed my first and most likely terrible foray into the blogosphere, if you wish to heckle, if you have similar experiences to mine and wish to share, or if you just want to say hi, please, by all means leave a comment. I would love to hear from you, internet.